Monday, July 9, 2007

Feeling a bit like this lately..... I am so, so very sorry my friends... I cannot believe it has been a month I have been away.... I suppose it began with Father's Day and the trip to the cemetery.... it has become our tradition..... the kids and I travel to Steve's gravesite on holidays, and his birthday...... it's not necessarily that I think he is "there", it is my personal belief that he is not, though I think it is a distinct possibility that he goes there with us, he is in heaven, and he is here with us from time to time, and one day we will all be there together, (these are my beliefs, not intended to be a religious statement here) but the cemetery is a beautiful place, a tribute to him, and it is our way of honoring him together as a family........ for some reason the trip this year just triggered something, it kind of felt like a downward spiral, and I have just been trying to "deal" with it all, and am now trying to climb my way back up......... I have been through this before, I guess this time it shocked me a bit, and when these feelings come I tend to withdraw from everyone because I don't want anyone to think I want them to feel sorry for me........ I think sometimes I expect too much of myself..... I mean 30 years truly is a long time to be with someone, and then one day to not have him there, well, I don't think it is something one "gets over"........ and he was such a wonderful husband and father.............

Below is a picture of him when he first began his Chemo treatments........ His Oncologist soon became one of his best friends....... Steve was just like that, people just immediately took a liking to him.......... His Oncologist would tease him that he looked like Ghandi..........

and he was such a kidder.......... whenever anyone was feeling down, he would find a way to make you laugh, and he wouldn't leave you alone until you did......... this was taken shortly after he began Hospice at home......... he wanted to go out and buy lottery tickets in this outfit..........

And so, I just wanted to apologize for my absence........ I enjoy my blogging, and have made some delightful new friends here....... I hope I haven't lost anyone along the way....... I truly will try to be better about these things and keep up here........

I do want to thank a very special lady, who lives what seems to me to be a "world away", and is incredibly talented and busy, and yet she took the time to email and ask if I was OK............ if you haven't visited her lovely blog, please do so........ she is amazing, and I am so honored to have "met" her..........

A huge, huge Thank You,

to Cherry Menlove


Jackie said...

Wonderful post Joyce.
I am glad your back.
His doctor was right! He looked just like Ghandi. Wow!
I loved looking at the pictures. :-)


Jerri said...

It's okay to cry and vent and be angry, etc. Your cyber friends will always understand. I hope you get a little better every day.

IsabellasCloset said...

Joyce, I'm in tears as I type this..How my heart goes out to you! I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. I know the pain of loosing someone your love so very much. My daughter passed away Dec 2003..There are days I miss her so much I just can't stand it!! Wish I had words to comfort you and make it better but there are none. When you feel like crying do' I find it does help if only a little bit. I'm sure you have many ups and downs many good and bad days. It's how it is. A part of your heart is now gone. They say time heals the pain, so far for me it has not..30 years is a very long time to be with someone. Steve has such a sweet smile and looks like such a very kind man. Yes, I too believe someday we will see our loved ones again. They say they are in a better place, hope this is true but we want them here with us. I've put you both in my thoughts and prayes this day. God bless you. I wish you a day filled with smiles and here's some far away hugs {{{{{Joyce}}}}} from someone who does understand.
Take care :-} ~Mary~IsabellasCloset

PAT said...

Hello Joyce

Sounds like your Steve was a great guy. I can see his humor in the photos.

If you ever need someone to talk to, let me know.

That Cherry is a doll, isn't she! Just the sweetest person.

It's good to see you back. I'm looking forward to more visits here!
Back Porch Musings

She'sSewPretty said...

I wish I had words that could comfort you. I'm sending you warm thoughts and hugs. Hang in there! I know they say time heals all things. I don't know if hearts ever heal or if we just learn to live with our pain. Take care sweet lady!

Cherry Menlove said...

My dearest Joyce, thank you so very much for your courage in this post. The pictures of your darling husband are simply wonderful. What a kind face he has. Stories like yours help those of us who are with the ones we love to appreciate them hour by hour and day by day.

All my love to you

Cherry xx

Clare said...

Hi Joyce,

What a very touching post. You spent 30 cherished years with Steve and whilst you will always be thankful for those wonderful times, you are sure to feel deeply sad even as the years come and go. It seems we cannot possess great and loving memories without the sadness too, but that truly is life isn't it, having to balance the good with the bad, the happy with the sad.

Thank you for your kind email and I'm so pleased you are back in the land of blogging now, look forward to hearing more from you.

Clare x

Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin